Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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