Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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