Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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