those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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