She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
