Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
