I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
