Soap is not a condiment
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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