Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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