doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I looked at my own cervix.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
