you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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