Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
