I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
