Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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