Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
