you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
