What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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