trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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