I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
