I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
