Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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