Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
