I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize