last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
