Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
