Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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