From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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