she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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