I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
