My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize