did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize