is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
