fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
