I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
