Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize