Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
