if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
