I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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