Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
