Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
