I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
