My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize