Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
