It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
