you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
