just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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