Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
