i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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