how can u be prego again
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
