I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
