I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
