I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
