I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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