If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
