Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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