just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize