i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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