Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
