i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize