Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
