By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
