does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
