i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
