You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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