she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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