Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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