I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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