I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
