he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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