Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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