I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
