my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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