i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
