Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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