Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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