I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize