There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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