she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
