dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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