What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
