How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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