My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
