apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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