Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
