i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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