awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
