Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize