I'm passing your future prison.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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