Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
