If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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