Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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