I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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