Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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