he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dont even know how to be here
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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