her vagine was all disorganized.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
