community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
